7

Week 7 -Stuck

Mental Diet – ended up being a two step dance. One negative. One positive. One Negative. One Positive.

No opinion – kept me silent, and easily retracting into myself.

Home Only – my life. Silence. No verbal conversation accept to myself in my head.  As help for myself, I took time to read my DMP, Self confidence statement. scroll II. Look at my pictures, do my service. Read my movie trailer… But still in required action. No life to me.

I love me. I greet each day with love in my heart.

At the moment typing out my blog is difficult, not technical, but emotional.  I held my tongue as my son complains about his life as a freshman in high school. Two sided thoughts run through my head. What to say in a loving motherly way, or do I point out all the things he does for granted. This was 9 hours ago, and I can’t shake the emptiness in my head to blog.

How to explain my past 6 days of this week?  Thank you everyone who have written their blogs with great explanation and emotional and insight. I strive to write like that during this course. Taking time to myself is very difficult for me. I didn’t realize how much time I use to do my daily commitments and make time to do things for myself (MKMMA). I am thankful for this program and my guide, and the alliance members who are following me and those I am following. My world has increased 15 plus of alliance members on their own hero’s journey.

Thank you. I can’t say it enough.

I am not alone. I have gotten to know much more, because the alliance is giving. I enjoy reading the comments that are posted. I loose track of the time reading comments and blogs. I have grown in reading. I gave up reading many years ago. I limited myself to children’s books with the average of 50 words or less. I spoke and wrote in 1 syllable words. It has been an adventure. 3 syllables. I like the system of accountability and the risk of consequences. It keeps everyone on track and progressing forward.

I am not to familiar with putting my thoughts into words.  I usually take other people’s words and use them. I don’t express myself, didn’t know anyone really listened.  But via this blog, I make my attempts to express myself.

Talking to myself of the future. What an interesting concept. It was a very silent, tearful days of talking about the struggles and how exciting it is to let that all go and talk about the good times now and what events are planned for the future.  These talks are done when the home is all asleep and it is just me and myself.

Like now. I am alone. Everyone is in bed sleeping. I am tired, I have a headache. I want to write and share my week. But all within the guidelines of present tense, love expression. positive comments,  action in expressive vocabulary. I love the symbolism of the compass and magnifying glass. Definitely keeps me focus on the hour. Helpful reminder of where I am going.  I must not take all these visuals for granted. I must admit, I have become blind and don’t see them or use them even though they are strategically place for me to see. Selective seeing.  My smart goals should not be taken for granted.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyTfbtZeGeU

Seven weeks into my here’s journey. This is an old favorite of mine that played in my head in 1980. It didn’t come to mind until we are to add music. I am still listening for my song.

Good Night.

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below 7 comments
jpmkmma

Julia, you write from the heart (where all that love is) and I when I read this I see it as a reflection of your experiences in MKMMA and this is progress – you’re on your Hero’s Journey.

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masterkeyjohns

Julia, I know that life of retracting into yourself. The silence. You have friends now. We all struggle just like you. We’re all playing catch up. You walk the Hero’s Journey – up and downs, triumphs and disasters, hope and numbness. But you will get through. You will find your future direction.
I’m loving your honesty. That will be your strength. Be true to yourself. Find the real you under the cement.

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Joseph Szczygiel

Thank you Julia for sharing. As you, I am not to familiar with putting my thoughts into words.
You are doing great!
Joseph

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masterkeybrendaf

One thing I’ve noticed is that we are more alike than not. I like the music you posted, thanks for sharing. Change is not easy, but worth it. We have a great group of supporters to lean on. You are doing great.

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Jlaudenslager (@johnlmkmma)

Julia, i feel a kindred spirit here. Everything you write about I have been feeing as well The 7 day mental diet is really a two stepper. I do feel that your are chipping away at the cement. Thank you for being as open with your thoughts as you are. I do disagree with you in one area .I believe you express yourself very well.

John

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masterkeyabell

By holding our opinions back and now the negative thoughts it makes us think before speaking. Even though I am struggling with both of these exercises and success with them may elude me for some time I have already learned much about speaking without thinking first.

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masterkeyjohnp

Thanks for being so open about your life and feelings! You are absolutely right in not being alone and I want you to know I am here for you, as are the rest if us. Transformation to the new “us” requires our old self to die to allow for the new. The survival instinct is a strong one so make sure to be the new you right now and say a prayer and a heart felt goodbye to your previous self, as it just surrendered itself to give your new life birth!

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